Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Internal Editor and Tripping the Light Fantastic Toe

So this is me returning from a weekend long hiatus on my already delinquent blogging. I would attribute it to Halloween but mostly it was just laziness all through the weekend. Except for Monday and Tuesday.

I dressed, I danced, I conquered.

Tuesday being the day that I was too hung over to move without concentrating. It is also the first day of
National Novel Writing Month which means that I am, along with 48,926 other people across the globe, attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. (It doesn’t seem to take into account that thanksgiving I will be spending four days in Seattle probably with no computer so I’m really down to 26 days)

In light of that if my already negligent posts are more even more negligent forgive me. Timing is everything and if you’re lacking, like me then you’ll just push right through with me and hope for the bests.

There are many things this novel has made me realize about myself, such as I have the attention span of a five year old. I can’t concentrate on any one thing for more than fifteen minutes at a time, so my writing is sprinkled with T.V. breaks, magazine breaks, food breaks, staring-at-my-toenails breaks, what’s-that-smell breaks, and whatever else
people do to waste time when they’re trying to work. I also have the problem of a mean “internal editor” as the lingo goes. Meaning I can’t go a line without stopping to question the way I’ve said what I’ve said or wondering if that’s the direction I want to go in or if it’s any good. One of the NaNoWriMo writers had this to say:
Internal editors? Oh yes. I know those little reptiles, sniggering at every word, writing each other rude notes, reminding me of serious, wonderful, fabulous books by really good writers that are SO much better than mine and why don't I take up picture book colouring instead. I'm prepared for them.

When I hear that first nasty little snicker - the one that makes me doubt myself and cross out / delete the last word / paragraph / page / chapter - I shall put her (because my IE's are usually female) in a windowless, soundproof locked room and keep the key on my desk.
I really feel I could take some advice from this guy. The internal editor is really fear. Fear of being a bad writer, fear of not saying things appropriately, and the only way to battle this guy will be brave on through and be okay with the fact that everything I write won’t be my best. No one is good all the time, and I imagine even the best writers have some things that will never see the light of day. What’s more important is to not let yourself be stifled and paralyzed by fear, give it my all and hope for the best.

Current word count: 882


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